i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
