did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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