Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
