K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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