Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
