i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
