At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
