Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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