So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
