would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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