dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize