So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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