I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
