remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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