Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize