So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
