Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
