It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
