my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
