i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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