that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
