Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just had sex on a roof
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
