The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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