Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
