When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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