we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He passed out mid-signature
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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