Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
