You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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