Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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