I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
