he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
