Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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