my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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