I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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