): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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