arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
