i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Randomize
