How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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