my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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