just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
