3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
