between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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