Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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