Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
