dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
