Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
