I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
