Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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