Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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