Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize