These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
