Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
