good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize