You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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