But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
