My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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