he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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