Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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