Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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