I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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