I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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