how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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