she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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