I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize