Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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