I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
