I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
