you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
