I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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