why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
