So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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