the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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