I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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