her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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