bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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