called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
