You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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